Recession Proof Jobs for Immigrants

The recession and financial crisis have put tremendous pressure on the Canadian job market even for ‘real’ born-and-bred Canadians. Of course, for immigrants, that means ever more pressure to find employment and choosing a career when even during hunky-dory times they faced such scarcity of work — their high educational and professional backgrounds notwithstanding.

I’ve compiled a list, after painstaking research (my readers expect nothing less from me) and visiting hundreds of jobs and employment boards’. Regular readers will know that my expertise in employment, and my credentials are, to say the least, impeccable.

So here I present, my recommended job list, compiled and researched, of Recession Proof Careers for Immigrants in Canada.

Professional Field: Relinquished Discardables Management

Job Title: Abandoned Matter and Objects Manager (AMOM)

Career Description: Available in all top corporate structures, including banks and financial institutions, not to mention government and non-governmental institutions such as public transport and civil service. The Abandoned Matter and Objects Manager is responsible for day to day operations of various relinquished, constituent substances as deposited by customers, clients, patrons and existing human resource of any organization, or general populace. A Third-World Master’s Degree in Engineering is preferred.
Please note that AMOMs are often incorrectly referred to as Garbage Collectors.

Professional Field: Tangible Exertion Management

Corporate Title: Director of Corporeal Affairs (DCA)

Career Description: These are highly sought-after adventurous careers for immigrants. An adventurous spirit, a playful attitude and an outgoing personality is only the beginning for these open-spaces little adventures! Not for the faint-of-heart and body! You must be ambitious, and a superb team player. A PhD in Physical Training discipline preferred.
Please note that DCAs are often incorrectly referred to as Physical Labourers.

Professional Field: Botanical Comptrolling

Corporate Title: Botanical Yield and Production Manager (BYPM)

Career Description: For those holding higher degrees in Biological sciences and related professional experience. Explore the scientific pursuit of botanical comptrolling and control specifications in varied and vast uncovered botanical facilities throughout Canada and the United States. A Masters in Biochemistry or Microbiology is preferred.
Please note that BYPMs are often incorrectly referred to as Farm Labour or Fruit Pickers.

Professional Field: Corporate Admittance Intelligence and Supervision

Corporate Title: Admittance Reconnaissance Supervisor (ARS)

Career Description: Keen analytical skills and higher education in mathematics are required. Persons with an upwardly mobile attitude are suitable for these jobs. A Master’s degree in Humanities and at least 15 years experience as a Third World corporate executive is preferred.
Please note that ARSs are often incorrectly referred to as Security Guards or Doormen.

Professional Field: Dwelling Management and Juvenile Resources

Corporate Title: Dwelling and Juvenile Affairs Administrator (DJAA)

NOTE: This is a highly sought after career by immigrant women.

Career Description: Excellent people skills and higher public relations university degree is required for this high energy career path. A Master’s degree in public relations is preferred.
Please note that DJAAs are often incorrectly referred to as Housekeepers or Nannies.

Professional Field: Monetary Exchange Analysis and Credit Deposit

Corporate Title: Small Denominations and Returns Finance Control Analyst (SDRFCA)

Career Description: A higher degree in finance (Chartered Accountancy or Cost and Management Accountancy preferred) and certified accountancy + professional experience is a pre-requisite. Keen mathematical skills and number problem solving skills.
Please note SDRFCAs are often incorrectly referred to as Supermarket Checkout Counter Boys and Girls.

Professional Field: Culinary and Hospitality

Corporate Title: Executive Culinary Manager (ECM)

Career Description: Experience in the marketing of Fast Moving Consumer Goods (FMCGs) and a Master’s marketing degree required (previous experience in a 5-star hotel in Asia preferred.) Working under intense pressures and challenging deadlines.
Please note that ECMs are often incorrectly referred to as Fast Food Burger Flippers.

Professional Field: Automotive Transit Navigation

Corporate Title: Personal Commute Manager (PCM)

Thanks to reader bart for this important career information.
Career Description: A higher degree in mass communication or Aeronautical Engineering and at least 10 years of hands-on experience in flight safety with a Commercial Pilot and/or Navigator licence. Exceptional people maneuvering skills according to changing conditions. Adaptable and client friendly personality.
Please note that PCMs are often incorrectly referred to as Cabbies or cab/taxi drivers.